Breakfast Fairies Revisited, By Steve Harper

Dad spent the last ten years caring for my mom as she battled Alzheimer’s Disease. The last three or four Mom was unable to care for herself and Dad took on the role of serving all of her needs. Morning, noon and night he cared for her. He bathed her. He dressed her. He fed her. His entire life was consumed by the care he gave my Mom. Taking on both the physical and emotional stress and refusing to never once consider raising the white flag and agreeing to put her in a facility.

I can not imagine how he summoned the courage to do it day in and day out. His only breaks were quick jaunts to Austin while my sister Debbie cared for my mom so he could get a few days away. That was his life and I imagine for a lot of people they would have considered it a most miserable existence for both of my parents. Somehow I don’t think either of of them felt that way. In fact the lessons in love that were learned if you watched those two over these past few years would soften even the hardest of hearts.

I used to worry that my Dad was alone in his care for my mom. None of us kids live exactly close to Albuquerque where they live. I worried that Dad’s almost daily constant push to get mom out of the house was taking a toll on them both physically. After all it would take quite an effort to get mom in and out of a car and into a restaurant.

However I now know it was those quick trips to Starbucks or those lengthy trips to their favorite breakfast, lunch and dinner spots was exactly what was needed. Although it took mom forever to eat a meal (2 hours would not be unheard of), my dad would sit there patiently feeding her one fork or spoonful at time all the while chatting away about this and that – despite no return conversation.

It was during these many times that something incredible happened. Mom and Dad inspired people along the way. Countless people came up to them and offered stories of their own battles with an aging spouse, parent or grandparent. They would shake my dad’s hand and offer a gentle pat on Mom’s back. They would let him know he was not alone and how lucky my mom was to have such a caring and loving steward at her side.

Rarely a month went by without Dad calling excited to share a story of their meal magically being bought by some stranger. Sometimes the strangers would reveal themselves but more often than not they didn’t. Endless numbers of waiters, waitresses and even bus boys would buy my parents dessert with their tip money. Not to mention those restaurant owners and managers that would just end up tearing up their check and telling Dad “Your money is no good here!”

Dad eventually ended up calling these folks his Breakfast Fairies thanks in part to a note that he received after one meal. It read, “caregivers need care too!” signed the Breakfast Fairy.

Yes I was worried my dad was alone in his care for my mom but have since come to realize he never really was.

As I went home for my mom’s funeral we went to all of their old eating spots. One by one I watched dad share the news of my mom’s passing. Waiters, waitresses, regular customers at more places than I can count gave hugs, told stories of Dad’s care for Mom and just how inspired they were by him and mom. It was then I realized these people whom were strangers to most were more than that to my parents; they were family.

I have no idea how many meals along the way were purchased for my parents but it was a lot. I know Dad was at first unnerved by this outpouring of kindness, not exactly knowing how to respond, especially when the Breakfast Fairy preferred to remain anonymous. Eventually he grew comfortable with these gentle but ever so meaningful Ripples offered by others and he soon jumped in becoming a Breakfast Fairy for others himself.

As the days and weeks have passed since Mom’s funeral, I know dad has found comfort in going to his old haunts. The outpouring of love and care that people have showed him these past few weeks and ultimately these past few years has to warm and heal his heart. That makes the distance between us almost bearable in my mind.

It doesn’t take much to make a indelible impact on someone’s life. If you take nothing more from this post than this…know you have the power to make someone feel special and loved. It just may be exactly what they needed to know.

Be a Breakfast Fairy and pick up someone’s check next time you are at breakfast, lunch or dinner. The Ripples you create will undoubtedly come back to you!

Heck if we all do it, we may really start something here!

Ripple On!!!

Here are links to a few previous posts on the Breakfast Fairy topic.

Breakfast Fairy Challenge

Breakfast Fairy Challenge Part 2

Breakfast Fairy Strikes Again

The first thing I learned is that the conference is, in fact, attended primarily by “techies.”  (If you’d like to know what led me, a mostly non-techie, to attend, read this post first).  These people are definitely the hard-core technology fans and early adopters.  So it seems to me that paying attention to what’s going on here can give me a glimpse into the future.  And following that logic, the future is:

1. Macs & iPhones
2. Twitter

But aside from that, there are sort of three parts to SXSWi:  the education, the connections, and the partying.  I couldn’t do all three.  In fact I found it kind of exhausting to do just one.  I was there for the learning.  I packed my days full of sessions, and I went home every night feeling simultaneously completely exhausted and completely motivated.  I learned so much to apply to my business that I wanted to get started on all of it right away…but first I wanted a nap. 

In the last couple of years I had jumped on the Apple bandwagon so at least I was caught up there.  I fit right in when I took notes on my MacBook and whipped out my iPhone to check my calendar for the next session.  But one thing I couldn’t NOT do was Tweet.  Luckily I had been toying with the idea for a couple of weeks so I was ready to jump in at SXSW.  It was really interesting how Twitter was being used to take questions at panels, to alter people’s schedules when they heard what was going on in real time, to follow other panels that you weren’t at, and to meet up with your friends (to see what I learned about Twitter specifically, read this post.)

Some new services debuted and they look really great.  Here are the ones that look the most exciting to me:

1. Otherinbox (I’ve actually been using this for months since they launched in beta and I’m LOVING it.  The cure for email overload!)
2. PeoplePond:  Search Engine Optimization for People
   
3. Animoto:  Automatically produce your own professional-quality videos
4. Digital Chalk:  Rapidly deliver multi-media courses online

I also attended some really great sessions and learned a lot from some very smart people.  Many of these are available for podcast so I suggest you check them out.  My top 3:

1. Change Your World in 50 Minutes: How to Make Breakthroughs Happen (Here’s a great blog post about the session,  and I suggest you check out Kathy Sierra’s blog. Her talk was fantastic.)
   
2. Opening Remarks from Tony Hseih of Zappos.com
3. Social Engineering: How to Scam Your Way into Anything (podcast)

I’ll be watching my email for news that tickets for SXSW 2010 have gone on-sale.  Hope to see you there!

Why am I telling you this?  Austin is gearing up to host the 7th SXSW (South by Southwest – www.sxsw.com) event since I’ve been living in Austin, and six times before, I have not attended.  Here in Austin, a disproportionate number of my friends and peers are “techies,” which to me means involved or interested in the high-tech industry, including computer hardware and software, and internet technologies (“computer geeks,” if you will, and I say that with love).  I have heard Austin referred to as “Silicon Hills.”  Plus we have UT Austin and other universities here which brings an influx of PhD’s, PhD candidates, and other academics, researchers, and a plethora of smart people.  In other words, Austin is overrun with Squints of one sort or another.

Compared to the population at large, I’d say my computer knowledge is probably greater than average.  I’m a productivity trainer and part of what I do is teach people how to make effective use of the technology available to them, and how to prevent technology from becoming just another distraction.  But compared to the population of my peers in Austin, my technology savvy is woefully lacking.  And pretty much everyone I know in town (true that population is heavily weighted with computer Squints, but even still) attends at least the Interactive session of SXSW.  I’ve always looked at it as a tech conference, and since I’m not a “techie” or computer Squint, there was no reason for me to attend.

I now realize I have been seriously misguided, and there are two pieces of evidence that have led me to this conclusion.  First, when I finally decided to look at the actual agenda for SXSW Interactive, I realize that there are plenty of sessions that you don’t necessarily need to be a Squint to care about.  A perusal of last year’s schedule reveals sessions with titles such as:

Dabble, Dabble, Toil and Kick Ass
Bankrupt Your Startup in 5 Easy Steps
Body Optimization:  Why Stop at Health and Fitness?
What Women Need to Succeed
Building a Worldwide Climate Movement
The 10 Commandments of Nice
10 Tips for Managing a Creative Environment

Pretty general, right?  Sounds like even devout non-Squints could probably benefit!

Now, don’t get me wrong, while there were many sessions that sounded like the ones above, there were far more that sounded like these:

ProJavaScript Design Patterns
Edit Me!  How Gamers Are Adopting the Wiki Way
AJAX and Flash Mistakes:  Lessons Learned Building SlideShare
Filching Design:  When the Shoe Fits
WireFraming in a Web 2.0 World
Blog on Company Time Without Getting Dooced
PMOG:  The Web as a Play Field

Huh?  Definitely the realm of computer Squints.  Is that even English?

But then there was a third class of sessions, which leads me to my second and more powerful conclusion:  technology is not just for Squints anymore.  Technology is no longer a separate industry.  It has become inherent in our existence, and it is permeating every area of our lives.  Take these for example:

Building Findable Websites
Managing the Media Blur
Worst Website Ever:  That’s So Crazy, It Just Might Work
Online Advertising for Newbies
Social Networking and Your Brand
Core Conversation:  Are You Smarter Than a Wired Teen?

I’m not a computer Squint but those sound like they would be useful to me!  I’m beginning to realize that in order to be successful in business, successful in life, I may just have to get a little more squint-y.  My definition of squint territory might be way too specific.  I’ve always been sort of a serial student, believing that when you stop learning, you start to become obsolete.  But what I didn’t realize until now is that I need to apply that theory to technology in many different ways, not just the obvious ones, and what I used to consider strictly the realm of Squints, probably isn’t.

So I’ve already bought my ticket for this year’s SXSW Interactive.  For now, I’m still using my flawed logic to conclude that since I’m not in the Film or Music industries, the rest of the SXSW Conference doesn’t apply to me.  Perhaps that will be NEXT year’s revelation.